Why I Let My Old Business Die (So I Could Come Back to Life)

creativity entrepreneurship identity Jul 10, 2026

For years, I thought my deepest wound was also my greatest gift to others.

And my business grew around heartbreak, rejection, shadow work + spiritual growth.

But recently, I found myself asking a question that terrified me (and challenged every cell of scarcity in my body):

If I'm not bleeding anymore...will people still care?

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

It's been a few months since I've written on the blog (April, actually)...and turns out the last few months have been more transformational than I expected. 💚🌀✨

For the last couple of years, I kept trying to revive an old version of my business.

I felt almost obligated to make it come back to life, because even though I knew I'd changed so much, I simultaneously felt lost without a "clear" purpose.

Except the problem was...

that chapter was OVER.

SO over, actually.

I'd completely outgrown it...and deep down, I fucking knew it.

I was just scared to fully pivot away from intimacy-focused work, because my whole identity (and previous "success") had been wrapped up in it for SO long, I genuinely didn't know who I was without it.

It felt like the funeral of all funerals that I'd been avoiding at all costs.

(and death, by the way, isn't always a bad thing)

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Earlier this year, in the midst of an obnoxiously snowy start to 2026 (a New England blizzard dumping 3 GODDAMN FEET?!) where I was struggling with cabin fever (and def some seasonal depression, amongst other frustrations), I booked a trip to Florida for what was supposed to be a three-week trip.

I ended up extending my trip twice...and staying for 2.5 months.

It turned out to be the medicine I actually needed.

(not spending 8 hours a day studying "growth strategy" for business and ripping my hair out when nothing was landing)

Instead, I spent my days in the sunshine, walking (I've been doing 10K steps a day since April + have never felt better), working out, swimming, reading, creating in new ways, and doing something I hadn't done in a long time:

TRULY listening to my inner voice.

Somewhere in the middle of this recalibration , I realized I didn't need another "formula".

I just needed to give myself permission to evolve.

That included evolving beyond creating from only my pain and struggle.

I kept having the same recurring thoughts:

"If I'm not bleeding anymore, will people deeply connect with me?"

"Will anyone even care if I'm not sad (or struggling)?"

I also had a lot of limiting beliefs, like "art is frivilous" or "if I'm not drowning in my emotions, nobody is going to tune in" or "if I don't take my work *seriously*, I'll never make it".

Or 1283792 other variations on that theme of "I have to earn my happiness" and "If it isn't *hard*, it doesn't count".

Aka: Receiving everything I need with EASE + JOY iterally felt DANGEROUS + UNSAFE to my nervous system.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

The previous version of my business - as helpful as it was to SO many people - was built around my DEEPEST pain points at the time: romantic disillusionment + rejection.

And after 10+ years of healing, I'm in a much happier, healthier, lighter chapter of life...but it meant the old identity DID need to fully die in order to create something new (because it was holding me back...big-time).

My dream life (one that felt abundantly creative + JOYFUL) was haunting me - for good reason.

In March, while I was still in Florida, I joined a creative online community run by a fun, younger millennial (mainly for accountability, plus meeting a few times a week live with other creatives who are building/growing togethe on the same wavelength is SO energizing), completely rebranded + redesigned my website, reimagined my mentorship offering, and started asking myself questions I hadn't asked in years.

Not...

"How do I make this business work?"

But...

"What actually makes me feel alive?"

The answers surprised me.

More creativity.

More storytelling.

More beauty.

More humor + play.

More music.

More uncensored sensuality.

Definitely NO MORE forcing myself into an old version of me that literally doesn't exist anymore.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

I decided back in December of 2025 that I wanted to move off of YouTube long-form content for awhile + dedicate a FULL YEAR to Instagram.

The plan was to be consistent + experiment to see what would unfold.

A couple of weeks ago - towards the end of June - I decided to run a simple experiment:

Post on my Instagram every single day for 30 days.

NO EXCUSES.

AND GENUINELY HAVE FUN WITH IT.

(aka: fuck the trendy formulas + make things the way I enjoy the most)

I've never done 30 days straight before + I wanted to see what would emerge if I simply showed up consistently, burned through the resistance + let myself create without rigid rules.

The funniest part?

I thought the challenge would teach me how to get more reach on Instagram.

Instead, it's teaching me who I'm becoming. 🌹

I'm noticing the voice and themes that are emerging organically from simply creating every day.

(that and having HOBBIES again - so I've been learning music production + playing with the harmonium I bought several years ago, just for fun)

And I think that's the real "work".

Staying with the process long enough to have a breakthrough, while also making sure to infuse it with curiousity + playfulness (because some days it fucking sucks, let's be real - lol).

And BIG surprise: It doesn't always have to be heavy, either!

IMAGINE THAT. 😂

It's probably the biggest insight I've discovered (and greatest gift I've given myself) this year.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

These days, I'm finding myself drawn towards supporting other spiritual creatives on a similar journey like me.

The people standing at that strange threshold, where the old identity doesn't fit anymore...

...but the new one isn't fully formed yet.

The kind that requires risky, uncomfortable leaps of faith.

I know that place ALL TOO WELL.

And I've crossed some major (and scary) thresholds, honey.

Because when I go for it, I go hard. ALL-IN or nothing. 😂

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

If you're in the messy middle (like I've been), I just want you to know you're not alone. Or behind.

Sometimes the bravest thing we can do isn't to hold on tighter.

It's to admit it's time to let go...and move on.

Private Mentorship has also evolved alongside me...

(and YES - it's more fun, more colorful, more creative + definitely as UNFILTERED as ever)

...so if you're navigating one of those seasons where everything that's familiar feels too small (or not like the REAL you anymore) + it's time to JUMP... I'd love to help you go for it.

🔥Let's fucking do this