Your Reaction Is Your Karma: A Buddhist Take on the Aubrey Marcus "Radical Monogamy" + Sacred Union Convo
May 25, 2025
NOTE: This post was originally shared as a 20-slide carousel on Instagram - but what I wrote needed to live here on the blog in full.
The current wave of commentary around Aubrey Marcus + his wife opening up their "Sacred Union" (what he’s calling “radical monogamy" in their marriage, but to many is just polyamory repackaged in more spiritual lingo) has been, in a two words: fucking wild. 😂
Depending on who you ask, he’s either the embodiment of "Conscious Masculine" energy (btw, can someone tell me what they're putting in the water in Austin, TX?!) or a walking-red-flag trust fund baby/Predator "Guru" cloaked in New Age cliches + drowning in "mama ayahuasca".
But I love a hot, provocative topic that makes people talk + reflect, so here are my thoughts.
I’m not here to pick sides.
I’m here to offer a different perspective.
One that challenges the all-too-common habit of projecting shadows, mental afflictions + a "right vs. wrong" narrative onto strangers on the internet.
And one that invites you back to the real point of all spiritual practice: liberation.
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If you apply a Tibetan Buddhist lens, his relationship life is EMPTY of an inherent self-existent nature, aka: however you're perceiving his relationship situation is a direct result of YOUR karma (a projection of YOUR mind).
It’s not fixed in nature; your reaction is coming FROM YOU - hence why some people are super triggered, some are really supportive + some are neutral (or it isn't even in their orbit at all).
I've been talking + teaching about Conscious Relationship + Deep Intimacy + Sacred Union for over 10 years (those series of videos were how I built my YouTube channel - way before this was a mainstream conversation), so I can speak from personal experience that to me, relationships are one of the most accelerated paths for spiritual growth that we have available to us.
They’re INCREDIBLY nuanced, rich in lessons + mirroring, no matter what form they’re taking in the moment.
And devotion is a practice that comes over time, through embodied experience.
Remember, "happy, shiny, peaceful" relationships are not any more important or superior (on a soul level) than the hot-mess trainwreck, dysfunctional painful connections. They're ALL valuable material for our growth.
If I hadn't been in an open relationship for a time, I wouldn't have had the catalyst to do certain shadow work or cultivate more compassion + unconditional love.
I also wouldn’t have had the proper conditions (that my soul needed at that time) to develop the necessary discernment to attune more deeply to my own body + learn to trust my inner knowing.
In fact, I wouldn't even have context for the kind of deeper devotion (alongside spiritual practice) you can experience in a conscious, intentional monogamous union without the contrast of what wasn’t that.
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I also spent many years after an open relationship on my own - single, abstinent, sober + focused on strengthening my spiritual practice.
That gave me additional embodied experience around devotion (without distractions).
Eventually this led me from New Age to Tibetan Buddhism.
At the point I landed in a Buddhist community, I was ready for even DEEPER commitment (because I crave + teach deep intimacy), so after some time there, I took vows (including a code of morals, ethics + sobriety).
This means you practice with ONE trusted teacher - for life (similar in many ways to a romantic, monogamous union).
No hopping around, no seeking novelty, no reaching for the next dopamine fix, no escapism through spiritual ceremonies or substances, no running from yourself.
You’re RAW-DOGGING life, baby. 😂
(this is ⚡Heavy Metal Buddhism⚡)
Taking vows is a very challenging, confronting + revelatory practice...and very rewarding (to me personally), just like taking deeply intimate vows in union with one partner.
The alchemy of conscious, intentional devotion (or monogamy) burns through illusion AND brings us back to wholeness, which ultimately is leading us to liberation (that’s the point, anyway).
But this doesn’t mean “the path of Sacred Union” is going to look exactly the same for every person - or that it has to be dogmatic or fit into a box to be “valid” or meaningful, either.
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Everyone's spiritual path, including where Conscious Relationship or Union are concerned, is unique - including people with massive platforms like Aubrey.
Having a public persona typically means dealing with people pedestalizing you, to subsequently tearing you down at some point (it happened to me a lot in the beginning), so with visibility often comes a shitload of distortion, projections + disillusionment.
Bottom line - how you perceive a public figure is literally rooted in your own karma, so it can be a great shadow work exercise in taking radical accountability for your reality.
What if "he" or his viewpoints on Love or Union aren’t the actual cause of your reactivity?
(they’re not, btw - lol)
Aubrey’s big declaration is obviously stirring up intense emotions + reactivity, because it’s illuminating a lot of shadows around intimacy + amplifying unhealed wounds in the collective, particularly for women who’ve at some point felt powerless to a man or victimized by men, especially masculine leaders in the spiritual community (hence why many are projecting that the women involved are also powerless + being victimized).
I can absolutely understand + empathize, as there were definitely times in the past where the power dynamics in my relationships were distorted + I felt misled or helpless to a man’s behavior or didn’t have the resources, support or level of consciousness to feel empowered in those situations.
I’ve also grown beyond any victim/perpetrator or good/bad guy perspective over time, with practice + support from trusted spiritual teachers + ancient wisdom (not New Age fluff - no offense).
Whether it’s Aubrey (or Trump, Bezos, Joe Rogan or Andrew Tate, a war abroad or whatever other polarizing public figure or situation)...these Buddhist tools can help you shift your reactivity - at the root.
You do have to honor your current capacity + practice wherever you’re at, while knowing your beliefs CAN change + evolve, too.
But assuming ANY of the people involved in Aubrey’s relationship situation are naive, powerless or whatever else is besides the point.
Your reaction is still your karma.
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According to Gelug Buddhism, karma is defined as "movement of the mind + what follows."
Which means your inner state creates your outer experience.
This includes:
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Who you idolize
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Who triggers you
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Who you shame or pedestalize
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What you call "sacred" or "evil"
And karma isn’t just outer actions - it’s deeply tied to INTENTION.
If someone’s intentions are relatively pure (only they know), the karmic result aligns with those causes.
✨️YES, even devotion to a batshit crazy sociopathic "guru" (we've all seen the cult docs, lol) can generate some merit (according to the laws of karma) if your heart was in the right place.✨️😅🙏
Public figures like Aubrey aren't the actual cause of your discomfort - they're simply the blank movie screen for your mind's habits, unacknowledged shadows, hidden beliefs, fears or fantasies to land on.
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The egoic mind craves control + creates separation, but what if we stop diluting complex, nuanced situations - like the evolution of intimate relationships - into simplistic binaries, like “victim + perpetrator” or “good girl + bad guy”?
In the case of Aubrey Marcus, his wife + the other parties involved, what if all these consenting adults need to go through this exact experience (along with the barrage of opinions, criticisms, judgments, etc.) of an open marriage in order to grow, evolve + integrate more of their own lessons?
What if we stop assuming the women involved are powerless or wounded? What if the power dynamics involved are an essential part of their soul's growth?
What if an open relationship is how they find the way to their own embodied truth (or maybe even back to a party of 2 at some point - who knows)?
And what if it's not their karma to choose or experience traditional monogamy for the long-term?
And so? Does that invalidate their experience of Sacred Union?
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I’ve been in this industry a long time + I give anyone with a public platform who’s openly sharing intimate details of their life (in hopes of serving others) respect, even if I don’t agree with their choices.
It’s not for the faint of heart, lol.
What seems ridiculous or banal to you is likely sacred ground to them.
What if we could just offer compassion + let people live + learn, as the flawed humans we all are?
Some of the decisions I made in the past that other people deemed the most stupid or pathetic or “unholy” were the ones that taught me the most potent lessons about myself + about love.
Imagine that.
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How about this?
Since “Sacred Union” (in regards to romantic partnership) is technically about inner union with the Divine, then manifested into external union + practice in the form of conscious relationship...
(and it’s not just for the straights, either - some of my highest teachers, who are all advanced tantric Buddhist practitioners with up to 35+ years of experience, are actually gay... just saying 😂🤷🏼♀️)
...WHAT IF WE DEVOTED OURSELVES TO DEVELOPING OUR OWN SPIRITUAL PRACTICE - SO WE STOP IDOLIZING STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET WE'VE NEVER MET OR BUILT A REAL RELATIONSHIP WITH, YET STILL LOOK TO AS OUR SOURCE OF ULTIMATE TRUTH, TO THEN BE DISILLUSIONED WHEN THEY DON’T MEET OUR EXPECTATIONS OR ADHERE TO OUR IDEA OF WHO THEY NEED TO BE IN ORDER TO FEEL GOOD OR SECURE?
Devotion + deep intimacy is my life’s work, not some fleeting trend. I’m in it for the long haul.
Personally, at THIS POINT in my journey, I want to go all the way with one spiritual teacher, just like I choose to go all the way with one romantic partner.
But we’re all allowed the grace to learn + grow in a messy, non-linear or unconventional way. Life is humbling. This is the human experience. This is the spiritual path (but your ego or superiority complex will tell you otherwise, lol).
I know the reason why I study Buddhism + teach meditation or embodiment practices is to guide people BACK TO THEMSELVES, so they can stop outsourcing their truth + instead develop the discernment + attunement to make THEIR OWN empowered decisions - in their own way + in their own divine timing (not mine).
🪽 There are no rules to how people get liberated. Just my two cents. 🫶🏼
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If this lands with you, stay close. There’s a reason you found this. ;)
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